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METHODS OF SEXUAL AROUSAL: ORAL-GENITAL STIMULATION
Another form of sexual activity that is far more popular man many know is oral-genital stimulation. Kinsey's research shows that oral-genital contact is experienced by at least 60% of those married couples who have gone to college, by about 20% of those who have gone through high school, and by about 10% of those who have gone only through grade school. That the first figure is so high may come as a surprise to some people, because of the traditional taboo society has placed on this sort of sexual behavior. Many marriage counselors believe that considerably more than 60% of the higher educational-level group indulge in oral-genital sexual expression, but that they are reluctant to admit it because they fear the disapproval of others.
The prevailing negative attitude toward genital kissing is primarily an outgrowth of the fact that many people regard the genital region as "dirty." The proximity in the woman of the anus and the urethra to the genitals, and the fact that the male penis is both a seminal and a urinary outlet, are the physiological factors that have given rise to the "dirtiness" concept, but these do not constitute a logical objection to the act.122 Certainly if one allows his body to become unclean and malodorous, especially in the anal-genital region, any type of sexual contact is likely to become objectionable. However, with the myriad supply of cosmetic and hygienic products currently on the market, there is really no excuse for an offensive odor emanating from any part of the bodyincluding the anal-genital area.
People seldom enjoy even kissing someone when his or her breath is reeking, to say nothing of entering into more intimate physical contact with someone who needs a bath. If one has recently eaten, or suspects that the mouth might otherwise be offensive, then one is well advised to tackle the problem with toothbrush and mouthwash. The same sensible precautions should be taken with the genitals. Because the folds of skin that partially cover the surface of the genitals are natural receptacles for a collection of smegma and secretions, the region should be cleansed in such a way that there is no chance that any of the offensive material or odor lingers. In the same fashion used in cleaning the ear, a finger should move in and around the folds of the genitalia to cleanse them. If a couple, give this sort of attention to keeping themselves clean and pleasant-smelling, making whatever use is indicated of "personal hygiene" and cosmetic products, the objection to oral-genital contact on the grounds of "dirtiness" is less than valid.
Oral-genital sexual behavior is considered perverted by many and is, in fact, illegal in many states, even if performed between husband and wife. Nonetheless, most people of the upper educational level (i.e., those who have attended college) find this act to be a normal, highly exciting, valuable means of sexual stimulation, and it constitutes a regular part of their repertoire of sexual activity.
It is generally agreed by couples who engage in oral-genital contact that it is an act to be enjoyed by both husband and wife, whether giving or receiving. It is an accepted fact that the mouth and lips are erogenous zones common to nearly all people, and there is, in addition, an abundance of nerve endings in the tip of the nose. That these two areas of sensitivity universally exist no doubt accounts for mouth contact and nose-rubbing being the chief methods of "kissing" in our world, and for the fact that oral stimulation of the genitals is so pleasurable for many people. Furthermore, recent neurophysiological studies have shown that there is a close relationship between the parts of the brain concerned with oral functions (amygdala) and those parts concerned with sexual functions (septum and rostral diencephalon). Stimulation of an area of the brain affecting oral activity will readily produce a "spillover" into areas related to genital function.
A couple may engage in mutual oral-genital contact during the early part of stimulation, but to continue the mutual act for any length of time, or to the point of climax, usually requires more acrobatic agility than most couples possess. Furthermore, simultaneous orgasms resulting from oral-genital stimulationor even prolonged simultaneous oral-genital contactpresent some of the same problems discussed under simultaneous coital orgasm: that is, neither partner can properly concentrate at the same time on himself and the spouse to the fullest satisfaction of either while receiving such intense stimulation.
The clitoris usually receives the greatest measure of the husband's attention during cunnilingus (Latin: cunnus, vulva; and lingere, to lick). Its sensitive glans can be stimulated in much the same manner as the nipples of the breasts are in mouth-tongue-breast contact. The tongue-stroking begins in a light, teasing manner with intermittent heavy, moist, bold tongue-stroking; the technique is varied to keep pace with the heightening sexual excitement. As the climax nears, and if the couple wishes to bring it about in this manner, the husband should put into action the findings of Masters and Johnson, which demonstrate that orgasm is best produced by a steady, constant stroking of the clitoral area; at the height of sexual tension the clitoris withdraws under its prepuce, and direct contact can no longer be maintained in any case. Other parts of the vulva, particularly the labia minora, are also sensitive to oral stimulation. Women who have experienced oral-genital stimulation report that the method is overwhelmingly pleasurable and effective, both as sex foreplay and as the primary avenue to achieving orgasm.
Kinsey has shown that women are less inclined to engage in fellatio (Latin: fellare, to suck) with their husbands than their husbands are to engage in cunnilingus with them. Any such reluctance is almost always based on psychological blocks. If a wife will talk over carefully the matter of fellatio with her husband, she can usually overcome this reticence, and eventually the act may become quite pleasurable for her.
The glans of the penis, especially at the frenum and contiguous areas, is highly sensitive to the wife's kisses and sucking, and to her warm, moist, now darting, now soft tongue. All the while, she should also stroke the corpus of the penis with an up and down movement, and occasionally fondle the testicles and the scrotum. This technique of lovemaking can quickly bring the husband to sexual heights that can easily terminate in orgasm. Van de Velde, who has written one of the classics among marriage manuals, gives unqualified endorsement to mouth-genital stimulation as a vastly pleasurable form of sexual behavior. So also have many other authorities in the field of sex and marriage.
Whether climax occurs as a result of manual stimulation, oral activity, or sexual intercourse is a matter each couple must decide individually. The method that is best suited for a particular occasion should readily be adopted, with each participant expending his best efforts to bring about maximum satisfaction for his partner.
Many variations of the sex act, together with special techniques for heightening pleasure during the various phases of increasing sexual response, have been proposed in marriage manuals and other writings on sexual matters. However, each couple because of their individual and combined personalities and preferences must decidethrough open discussion and uninhibited experimentationjust what brings them the greatest erotic pleasure. What one couple finds exciting, another might find dull or even repulsive. One person, for instance, might find highly pleasurable the application of crushed ice wrapped in a cloth to the perineal area at the time the paroxysms of orgasm commence, whereas another might find it a rather ludicrous (if not chilling) experience. Some couples have found that applying certain mild chemicals, such as Mentholatum, to the glans of the penis or to the vulval region (or even the use of the salve as a lubricant during coitus) enhances their sexual pleasure, while others find such a practice physically painful. Some desire anal stimulation, or the insertion of fingers or small objects into the rectum, during certain phases of the sexual response cycle; but others consider such techniques unnecessary, repugnant, or even barbaric. Whatever the sexual variation, it should be introduced spontaneously and with obvious desire by one participant, and received pleasantly and happily by the other.
Sex relations do not, or rather should not, end with orgasm. Many couples find the interval after the sexual act to be as pleasant and emotionally fulfilling as any other part of marriage. To hold each other in a close and lingering embrace, to discuss softly the delights of the experience they have just shared, to caress the lover's body with tender, sweeping movements of the hands, to doze and relax with intertwined bodies, all serve to aid in the emotional fulfillment. Other couples are completely overcome by the release of physical and emotional tension, and are ready to drop off into a deep and restful sleep after a brief expression of love and appreciation. Partners must give as careful attention to the spouse's wishes concerning the period of resolution of sexual tensions as they do to each other's preferences in the matter of sexual foreplay.
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Pharmacy Information
MAINTAINING A GOOD SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP
As superfluous as it may appear, it is nonetheless important to mention at the outset of this discussion the fundamental significance of a clean and attractive body to successful sexual interaction. Sex appeal is most certainly not confined to the marriage bed; it exists between the partners at all times, and should be carefully nurtured. By attractiveness, facial and bodily handsomeness is not implied; rather, attractiveness means scrupulous cleanliness of body and clothing, and taking the greatest advantage possible of all the physical endowments that nature has seen fit to bestow on each of us. Not everyone can be beautiful, but there is no excuse for anyone's not being attractively neat and clean at all times.
A man who is overweight, chronically unshaven and slovenly dressed, and whose breath reeks of tobacco or alcohol, can hardly expect to be considered a desirable bed partnereven after a session with shower, toothbrush, and razor later in the evening because his wife's memories of his earlier unattractiveness will simply detract from the excitement of the experience. Similarly, a woman who neglects to make up her face, sits around home in bathrobe and curlers, allows herself to become significantly overweight or underweight, permits even faint urine, vaginal, or underarm odors to emanate, or does not often shave her legs and underarms is setting the stage for a loss of respect, admiration, and even love; sexual failure cannot then be far behind.
Certainly before joining each other in bed, whether or not sexual activities are anticipated, each spouse should see to it that he has at least a clean body, fresh breath, and neat, attractive nightclothes. To do otherwise is to deny to the marriage bed one of the basic ingredients for a happy sex life.
The sense of smell is almost as important in sexual stimulation as the sense of sight is. There is a physiological relationship between the tissues of the nose and of the sex organs, as was described earlier. Conditioning factors also are frequently present in the relationship between the sense of smell and sexuality. During courtship, for example, the faint scent of a girl's perfume or of a man's after-shave lotion may become associated with their love and subsequent sexual arousal. After marriage, the same pleasant scent may well serve to reestablish the excitement that developed in the atmosphere of courtship. Conditioning quite naturally involves many sensory elements other than smell. Almost any occurrence during the period of courtship that forms an association with love and passion can later be woven advantageously into the fabric of the couple's sexual interaction.
The qualities of courtesy, kindness, and sensitivity to the needs and desires of others are fundamental to all successful human relationships; most particularly are they vital to sexual associations. Bearing in mind the differences in individual needs and desires, it is incumbent upon each person to discover what, precisely, offers the greatest pleasure to his partner in the sexual relationship. Genuine efforts to incorporate these discoveries into one's technique of sexual approach must be made before one may expect complete emotional fulfillment. For example, some partners prefer the conversation during sexual activity to be quite earthy, even to the point that the expressions used would be vulgar under other circumstances. Another couple might be shocked by such utterances, preferring to speak to one another softly in tender and loving words.
Pace, as well as style, is also a matter of individual taste. However, it is ordinarily wisest to proceed slowly and gently, with the goal in mind of bringing gratification to the partner rather than hurrying to satisfy one's own needs. One should not hesitate, furthermore, even to sacrifice one's own present fulfillment altogether if it means giving greater pleasure to the spouse; not only is it a generous and loving thing to do, but it will assuredly pay handsome dividends later. The best, and certainly the least stressful, way for each partner to determine the specific amatory desires of the other is to open wide the doors of candid communication. Neither partner is clairvoyant, and an inadvertently offensive gesture or clumsiness might impede the present response, and inhibit response in similar circumstances at a future time.
Variations in sexual approach and in the settings can add considerable spice to marriage. Too often sexual acts become ritualized, stale, and unimaginative, engaged in only to provide relief to physical urgency. Couples who wish to preserve delight and vigor in their sexual interaction will work as consistently on this aspect of their marriage as on any other. A husband who impulsively sweeps his wife into his arms in the middle of a happy afternoon and carries her off to the bedroom and makes wild love to her, or the couple who occasionally has sexual intercourse while taking a shower, or the wife who surprises her husband by appearing in his study wearing nothing but a smile and two cold, very dry Martinisthese couples are not likely to find sex dull, even after years of marriage. The playing of soft music, using mirrors to observe closely the intimacies of the sex act, perusing sensuous literature and art: all these can help keep boredom out of the bedroom.128 Men and women both want variety in their sexual lives; and if this ideal is reached within their marriage, there is considerably less likelihood that either husband or wife will seek it elsewhere. Imagination and willingness to experiment, coupled with an air of confidence and consideration, will serve most marriages very well.
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