METHODS OF SEXUAL AROUSAL
One should be reminded occasionally that any act within the marital bed that enhances sexual pleasure, that hurts no one, and that is out of sight and sound of an unwilling observer, is permissible and should be engaged in freely. This reminder appears especially relevant in view of the persistent presence in bookstores of erroneous and misleading writings on human sexuality. Such books state outright, or at least imply, that petting, for instance (which includes any form of sexual foreplay and afterplay), more particularly petting to orgasm, may be harmful at the time, or may interfere with future pleasure and fulfillment in sexual intercourse. To the contrary, the evidence is that those people who enjoy petting and are capable of responding freely to it are those most capable of responding freely to sexual intercourse and of deriving much pleasure from it. The only problems liable to arise from petting are unjustified feelings of guilt, and congestion of the tissue in the sexual region resulting in physical distress when the petting is protracted but does not culminate in orgasmic relief.
Wives and husbands who are reluctant to involve themselves in sex play are often simply fearful that their spouses will consider them too bold in their manner of sexual stimulation or response. The less inhibited of the two should start the amatory foreplay, and then at the appropriate time should gently but firmly put the partner's hands and lips at the spots where they are most desired.
Sexual excitement is most easily heightened when a maneuver of advance and retreat is adopted.111 Stimulation is instigated, then after a brief buildup, the stimuli are withdrawn in a slightly teasing, tantalizing manner. Stimulation is begun again, carried to a more advanced point of excitement, and once more withdrawn. Quite naturally, timing is of the essence: knowing just how long to continue advancing and retreating, recognizing when these efforts have produced an optimal level of sexual excitement, and then ceasing the teasing are the keys to success in this lovemaking strategy. To continue beyond this point may very well be interpreted as rejection by the recipient, and what started out to be a promising adventure ends in stress and unhappiness.
Hands play an indispensable role in successful lovemaking. The handsespecially the fingersshould be used to caress, stroke, massage, squeeze, and otherwise manipulate the erogenous zones of the body to bring as great pleasure as possible to both lovers. With proper use of the hands, not only can sexual excitement be built up in one's partner, but one's own excitement can be brought to and maintained at the response level of the spouse. As an example: light stroking and caressing by the husband of his wife's body with his fingertips will build her sexual excitement faster than his own; but when he uses the palms of his hands, as well as his fingertips (along with other excitants such as darting tongue-kissing), his own excitement usually develops at about the same tempo as his wife's. With this in mind, a husband may pace the development of mutual excitement to achieve a synchronized crescendo.
Initial sexual excitement is brought about by light touchnot pressureand the more intense and prolonged the sexual buildup, the greater the orgasmic response.111'2,5 While at first the bodies of both the man and woman are stimulated with gentle, slow, generalized stroking, the caressing should gradually become more specific as sex play progresses. The general orientation of the stroking should be toward the erogenous zones, particularly the genitalia, the caresses taking place in the teasing advance-retreat-advance manner already described. It is of special importance that the genitals be stimulated lightly at first because of the sensitivity and tenderness of the area; as excitement increases, the wife may wish the pressure to be heavier.
A woman's skin is considerably more sensitive to the touch than a man's is, and care should be taken, especially during the early part of marriage, to avoid overstimulation.111 Exceptionally gentle caressing will gradually "awaken" the nerve endings of the genital region, and will condition the bride to welcome this manner of lovemaking as something pleasant and exciting during the following years of marriage. Fingertip stroking of the abdomen and inner thighswith general movement in the direction of the genitalswill usually prepare a woman for more direct stimulation of the genitalia.
Breast manipulation is usually thought to be one of the most effective sexual stimulants for a woman. An interesting point, however, is that only about 50% of women are sexually aroused by having their breasts stimulated, while about 75% of men who view and stimulate women's breasts become themselves sexually excited.178 This is yet another instance of the superiority of psychological over physiological factors in sexual matters. Surprising to many is the fact that men can become as sexually excited from having their breasts stimulated as women become.173'231 That men enjoy this stimulation is a normal response, and the pleasure has a sound physiological basis.
In his lovemaking, a man should gently massage his wife's breasts, interspersing the manipulation with a light brushing of the nipple and an occasional tweak of its sensitive tip. Caressing with the hands can very pleasurably be alternated with soft, moist kisses and an exploring tongue. To erotic advantage, the tongue may change its tempo occasionally, and dart back and forth across the nipple in a tense, rapid-fire, impertinent manner, then resume once more the soft, moist tongue stimulation, together with manual caressing of the breasts. Research evidence shows that a small percentage of women can actually achieve orgasm from breast stimulation alone.
The erogenous nerve endings in men's breasts are limited to the nipples and areas immediately surrounding them. When a man's breast is stimulated by gently rolling the nipple between the thumb and finger, or by the sort of oral contact described in the previous paragraph, he quite likely will experience the same sort of sexual desire and excitement that women do from the same techniques.
Kissing, like hand-fingertip caressing, should be varied in a teasing manner: open mouth, closed mouth; light lip pressure, heavy lip pressure; moist lips, dry lips; soft lips, nibbling teeth and lips; a darting, teasing tongue, a soft, sensuous tongue. The lover's face and body should be covered with kisses as the point of action varies quickly, then slowly, from the lips to the eyes, hairline, earlobes, to the mouth again, to the breast, the neck, to the abdomen, back to the lips, and all the while, the tongue should also be participating in this exploration of the lover's body. The kissing maneuver should be repeated again and again with increasing passion and delicate timing. Ordinarily, kissing of the mouth should precede kissing of other parts of the body, except perhaps the hands. In the latter instance, it should be noted that having the palms of her hands kissed is a particularly exciting and stimulating experience for a woman. There is also the psychological element of its being a rather courtly and tender gesture on the part of the man.
No matter what approach the husband takes, his hands should seldom be motionless during the entire period of sex play. They should dart and slide over his wife's bodystroking, holding, caressing boldly and lightly, squeezing, and massagingalternating strong palmar movements with light, silky stroking of the fingertips. As he brings his wife to successive levels of arousal, he must take heed of the very thin and delicate tissue of the vulva and vagina. These areas should not be manually stimulated unless the husband's fingernails are clipped and smooth, and the vulval region well moistened with either bodily secretions or with a commercial product, such as K-Y jelly. The clitoris, furthermore, is often too sensitive to accommodate direct and uninterrupted manipulation comfortably. The regions to the side and around the clitoris are the sites of stimulation preferred by most women who masturbate, and this knowledge can wisely be incorporated by a husband into his love play.
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Men's Health Erectile Dysfunction